Tuesday, January 18, 2011
2010 was a year of many truths.
At times I was unable to bear them. It was sickening to see how badly people can treat others, usually their enemies, mostly their friends.
I've experienced anger, frustration and irritation more times this year than I have in my whole life.
I tried to work out the answers, why there was such a disparity between what I thought was real and how the world actually functioned.
I wondered why the human condition was so complicated. How people can lie and cheat their way through daily life and feel the least bit guilty.
I've realised that it hurts to be loved by someone but not being able to love that person back in return.
I've also realised that one-sided loving someone else is just as painful.
I can go on, relating every negative little thing that has happened to me.
But I'll stop here.
I was always a girl full of hope. I felt this year, I was punctured internally and my heart had sprung a leak. The good started spilling in a trickle before turning into a steady stream. I'd watch it float away with no intentions to fix the puncture, to treasure the life that was leaking away.
I'll put a stop to it. I will begin collecting again in 2011.
And while I'm glad another year has commenced, I feel a slight sense of sadness at having to leave the past 12 months behind.
Because for the first time in my life...
Friday, January 7, 2011
Only fools love this blindly.
Only fools venture into painful territory with no protection.
Only fools trust.
Only fools wear their heart on their sleeves and try to make them see.
And most importantly......only fools don't want to care......but end up caring too much, until their hearts explode with one-sided loving.
Everyone has a limit.
She has reached hers.
Curse this stupid heart.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Every time I feel distant and disappointed with the state of the world, I watch my cousin and his wife dance their first waltz at their wedding. You feel stuck.... transfixed as a spectator, at the couple revolving slowly on the spot infront of you.
I don't know what it is.
But I always feel this intense urge to somehow extract the magnificent aura of love surrounding them, melt it into small parcels before catapulting them as shooting stars around the universe.
I still am a strong believer that pure love can undo the worse wrongs. It makes us forget about the burdens weighing at the forefront of our minds, gives us relief from unhappy memories, offers insight into our enemies, inspires us to insert compassion into our dealings with the world at large and eradicates the notion of self-centredness from our dispositions.
For once you desire to care for someone else, not out of obligation or necessity but simply because you want to. To experience this complete act of selflessness, I feel, is the sole purpose of our existence on this Earth.
For me, it renews my determination to continue living.
It presents me with hope, a reason, to keep forging ahead. May this year be a year of love because there's never enough love for everyone to go around.