She thinks She has given a bit of herself away.

She has not written in so long. Buckets of unsaid lines, unfinished poems, flyaway thoughts gather like a forest with overgrown vines in the back of her mind. She thinks a bit of cleansing is always good for the soul.

She doesn't want to go back the way she was before. That shy, pathetic girl, who gets tongue-tied even when talking to the guy at the newsagency to ask for change. She likes her new persona. She's still bubbly and optimistic on the inside but She has stopped pitying herself. Feeling sorry for oneself is a form of self indulgence. An indulgence she can do without. Her insecurities of not being good enough and being afraid to truly show people the underside of her soul has slowly faded away.

In many ways ways she's glad that she's changed, the fear she had only proved to be an obstacle which did not allow her to do normal things. She tries to look at the good of every second, of every minute because she knows how fragile life really is. Even if it is smiling at an irritated customer or spending 10 minutes watching the city skyline at night from her balcony window before she goes to sleep. She's trying to appreciate every little thing that makes up her life.

And the conclusion is? Instead of pondering when people will see the beauty in her, she needs to share beauty with the world. She's going to make something of herself. She knows she hasn't experienced alot, being a girl of 19 (and soon to be 20), she knows nothing about the workings of the world.

But she has experienced happiness, even if it comes in the most obscure shapes and forms. And for her, that's enough.